Sunday, January 25, 2009

Hair Saturated Cat Lady

I strongly dislike being alone. I don't have little projects and crap to keep me occupied like some people have. When I'm doing something, I like there to be people around doing things with me or at least making noise in the next room. If by some crazy chance I'm left at home alone, my immediate reaction is to find someone that I can do things with--I am a fish out of water, gulping in vain.
What do I like to do...? Hmm...
*Photography--going on little road trips to take photos in ghost towns
*Eating delicious food with others
*Singing in the shower/car/where ever I can sing that I don't actually hear my voice. When I sing with someone that sounds good, it usually sounds good. I just need to keep the bumpers up like they do in bowling for small children.
which brings me to...
*Doing various sexual and non sexual things with different types of balls
*Listening to good music
*Checking my Myspace and actually finding messages (rare!)
*Going to the movies
*Going to local music shows
*Going to big name music shows
*Watching TV with my cat laying on my belly purring
*Spending time with people when we have a goal (ie eating, playing a board game, etc)
*Family activities
*Shopping, including antiquing

I often find myself feeling social discomfort due to lack of common interest or lack of ability to express myself for fear of judgment. I am a closed off unit.
I am alone right now. I feel this sense of urgency like I need to be somewhere doing something. I just made a pointless list of things that occupy my time because I'm wasting time thinking about something to do. My mind is tinged with anxiety right now. It's freaking weird. I guess I could attribute it to always being with people in my younger years; at a minimum there were 5 kids in the house, up to 14 kids at one point, transients, miscreants, really a potpourri of children and adults.
At the moment all I've got are my two kitties. The tragic truth of the matter is I will some day be the crazy cat lady. Stinky. Hair saturated life. Rambling. Cat. Lady.

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