Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A Strange Stranger

i don't know you
Your words are a mix matched medley, a patchwork quilt, of borrowed dialogue
slang of the distasteful type, entrancing you to tee-heets, teh-hets and trouble
saying i'd be proud of you

i knew someone once
that was prideful, but her voice was plump and husky, the kind that makes you fall asleep
or feel seduced

the luster of past has blotted present
reality garbled up

i unfolded my mind around you
when you walked into the mush, with a new hillbilly botox voice, i shut you out
folded my wrinkly pink brain around what you usta-was
guarded by armor of resistance of reality

i don't see you now
you dream of me when I was Little
i share your dream, suckle the poison out of honesty and spit it out,
caressing your shell

but what's in there is empty

if I have a picture, i wear it thin, rubbing your face in memory of our past until it's hard to remember, any face but the picture
a mugshot, a still frame, real smile or fake, i can't tell

so i weave a story of your day, a golden shining sun
a floral print dress, smells of a home-cooked meal
i stitch out a reality, true or false, and circle one.

choice made.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Gnome Obsession Reveal

I love lawn gnomes. I've been searching for a plain classic garden gnome for several years. I know they exist, but despite my tireless search have not been able to find one that isn't holding a wheel barrow, slouched on a mushroom or doing something other than just standing in place grumpily with a pointy red hat. Some day the search will prove fruitful, I know it. Until then, my little buddy here was in a potted cactus when we moved into the house and he has served as a worthy lawn ornament. He's only about three inches tall and is in a perpetual state of slumber. His name is Henry.

Friday, May 21, 2010

TriLyte & Scope Update

Oh. My. Goodness.
Last night was one of the most terrible medical experiences I've ever had to go through. Despite my extreme TriLyte preparation and tips, I only got through about 2/3 of the jug...most of which ended up being vomited right back up. Thankfully it was enough and the colonscopy was still performed. I literally cried with relief when they let me know I could still do the scope. I couldn't fathom attempting to drink that stuff a second time. Don't think I would have made it through.
I was super dehydrated and woke up through the night with a splitting headache. They had a hard time finding a vein to put the needle for my vitals in because they had all decided to collapse from lack of water. Once I was down, all went smoothly. I still have inflammation but with the Sulfasalazine I'm doing much better and I'd really like to keep this up. Afterward, I went out for some killer delicious sushi and then followed that a couple hours later with some Mexican food at my favorite local place, La PiƱata. And a piece of Dove dark silky chocolate. I am so relieved to have that behind me.

Important Tip:
The desk girl at my GI's office said that most people that have less to eat on the day before their liquid diet tend to be able to handle the TriLyte with much more ease. Unfortunately for me, I decided to ignore that information and be a total and complete glutton. I even had to sneak in a bowl of Cheerio's with rice milk right before bed as my last hurrah. I am, indeed, a moron.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

TriLyte Colonoscopy Prep

I tried a few different recommendations for my TriLyte prep and if you want the short version of this somewhat lengthy vlog, here's what I concluded:
Use super cold water
Use a straw and drink from the back of your throat so you don't have to taste as much
Flavor packets: Pineapple was ok, cherry comes in second, then orange, and lemon lime is the loser
Crystal Light mix was so-so
Apple juice was so-so
Gatoraide is not a good idea
Definitely a good idea to have a chaser like 7UP or some kind of ginger ale

Wish me luck. I'll need it.

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Importance of Trust

How important is trust in a doctor patient relationship? I'm not talking about the kind of trust that the doctor will perform the job to the best of their ability, but rather the motivation behind their practices as a doctor and the ethical vs financial aspects of care. There are some doctors that clearly have a pull toward their career because they want to help people. Others are money motivated or status motivated. Maybe some have had doctors in the family and that was just what was expected of them. To me personally, it seems like something that matters.
I bring this up because my colonoscopy is scheduled for this Friday. I've been on Sulfasalazine for over a month and I've been doing great. I almost feel like a normal human being a good chunk of the time. Therefore I'm not sure I understand the reasons behind my upcoming procedure. My doctor said he'd like to do the scope because he wanted to find out if the UC had spread further. But to what end? Even if it has claimed new territory in the colon, I'm doing much better on the medication I'm currently taking and I really don't want to change anything. Some people would just let sleeping dogs lie and if/when the symptoms got worse, action would be taken.
Is it normal for doctors to just scope to their heart's content? It's not going to be cheap, despite my health insurance I'm paying a pretty sizable chunk out-of-pocket. My first and only colonoscopy was done in 2006 (ish?) and I stopped seeing a GI and tried to handle it on my own. How often should one have a colonscopy done? What usually triggers one in the first place, if a doctor already knows your disease? Should I get a second opinion? How important do you think it is to trust that your doctor is listening and trying to work with you on your journey? Anyone that has an opinion or past experience, I would love to hear your take on this.