Friday, August 6, 2010

Waiting is the Hardest Part

I have a problem and that problem is me. I am a procrastinator. The worst procrastinator in all of Procrastinator Land. I can manage to keep myself structured in a work environment, but in my personal life this problem reigns supreme. I don't know if it's the thrill or anxiety of an encroaching deadline or something else, but I hold off on things that would be simple for anyone else just because I know I can. Then at the last possible second I buckle down and slam myself into a whirlwind and somehow pull of the impossible. I'll always put off today what I can do tomorrow. I never bite off more than I can chew; I nibble the tiniest bites so there is no chance of biting off more than I can chew. I think this is my worst trait and holds me back more than anything. I rarely start anything that I can't finish because I set myself up to avoid committing to anything that may be too challenging. Maybe it's a fear of some sort. I want what I want immediately, but I will wait as long as possible when I'm the one responsible for making things happen. That way, if something goes wrong, I can't be held responsible and easily convince myself in the mean time that the problem may work itself out. Mostly? It doesn't.
I typically steer clear of self help type stuff because a lot of it seems hokey and fluffy and WORK! So much WORK! On myself! Something that isn't tangible but resides in the raging carnival that is my mind. I think I may have used up all the 'self help' space in my brain for movie quotes and song lyrics. With trembling hands I proclaim, I may soon be haunting my nearest bookstore's self help section, sulky, red-faced and resistant.

4 comments:

  1. I’m a procrastinator,
    A twisted procrastinator.
    I twist my head;
    I’m an abdicator.
    I take my meds
    But my gut is an agitator.
    (I’ve bled for you
    You assassinator)
    If only you knew
    You’re such a merciless alligator,
    A snake to be subdued.
    My fate that you,
    Are so hard to elude.
    You screwed me up and
    You intrude right into me . . .

    You will not win.
    Within my animal skin
    I remain,
    Despite your cruel and painful
    Stain.

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  2. ah, see I'm the opposite...I try to get stuff that needs done over and done with, and I'm generally a kind of 'give it a go' girl, but I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to critism... which then in turn makes me anxious..when then in turn makes my UC worse :(

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  3. So Paula, one thing I can be thankful for is my lack of concern for most things and thus my lack of anxiety. Well, until the moment I decide to actually accomplish something, then it's balls-to-the-wall. Maybe it even makes up for my non-anxiety and then some? I'm really trying to work on this procrastinating thing.
    Also (to be thankful for) the poetry! O' the poetry! Ark, I'm LOVING these little surprises. Keep 'em coming!

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  4. Trust me Britt..you are not alone in the Land of Procrastination! I too am a emotional procrastinator, and I think that steams from not knowing how to tackle the issue. Give me a project that's work related or "crafty", and I'm allllll over it. When it comes to dealing with "me problems", regardless of what it is, I'll put off dealing with it..or I'll at least start talking about it w/others to get some imput, but not actually grab the beast by the horns until it's absolutely necessary.

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