Monday, August 29, 2011

The Life of A Flower

I feel a darkness approaching
After so many days of sunshine

I was a flower once, didn’t I tell you?
They chopped my head off
Because they thought I was beautiful
And more valuable dead

Little did they know I’d wither
My hair was crunchy
And the color of dried blood

They offered me sugar water,
Which grew stale
It’s hard to take a drink with your throat cut.
Still, I tried to say thank you.

Then they hung me wrong side right
In a dark place
For days or weeks or months
And they made my corpse
A dusty shrine

I haven’t felt
Like myself

Friday, August 26, 2011

Medium Rare

I think as an adult I suffer from an extreme lack of time that isn't dedicated to something. During my teenage years I had nothing to manage except showing up for school and putting in a half-assed effort. Then I got a job. Then a second job. And before I knew it, I was in a whirl wind of 100% pre-dedicated time. Gone were the days of exploring new music, laying upside down on my bed staring at the ceiling and shooting the shit with someone close to me. I super-pack my time. As I sit here listening to Tracy Chapman-Fast Car and doodling in Microsoft Paint this realization is striking me. I float on a breeze back to a different time in my life. A time in which I really got to KNOW people. Those were the days of best friends, people you could expose your soul to and let it hang there raw between you. Or at least medium rare.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Root of the Problem

Today I went to the dentist for the first time since...(drum roll, please) 2002! Holy canolie! And guess what? I'm basically the queen of clean when it comes to my mouth because I had NOT ONE SINGLE CAVITY. Not ONE SINGLE thing that needed to be crowned, root canaled, capped, NOTHING. NADA. To that I say Hell-to-the-Yes! ::Fist pump::
In other dentistry news, when I arrived at the dentist office, there was a drunk homeless man sleeping outside the building. To put this drunk homeless man in context, my dentist office is one building away from a liquor store, so it wasn't super surprising. The super surprising part of my story takes place while I was sitting in the chair in the midst of a teeth cleaning session. The assistant came in and informed my dentist that the totally wasted homeless man decided to cool off and come into the office. As I was walking out of the payment area, I saw the sleepy fella snuggling with a stool in the children's play area. I honestly didn't even feel phased by it. What does that say about me? Either I'm desensitized to oddities such as this due to living for quite some time in the city, or that I have a high threshold for weird.
I personally am hoping it's my high threshold for weird.

Saturday, August 6, 2011


I try to surround myself with good, quality people. The rare occasional friends or family members that somehow find themselves into my desolate social circle are the cream of the crop. People that I feel I can completely trust and have a great deal of respect for. I'm exceptionally fortunate to have found people that qualify for this position because I am a terrible maintainer of friendships. I spend most of my time with family. Family doesn't require anything more than the occasional holiday visit, which is easily accomplished when there is a delicious Christmas ham, candied yams, holiday fruit salad, and other such special once-per-year items awaiting my arrival. Family is easy. Well, certain parts of family is easy, at least. Some are high quality cream of the crop types, and others...well, not so much.
I was brought up with a hyper sensitive radar in respect to quality of persons. I think it was a survival skill. I've often pondered people in the figurative form, but never really put words to an idea that has been brewing since I was very young. I realized that when it comes to people, I tend to subtract the rotten parts. Since I was raised surrounded by what I can only describe as 'criminals' I realized that there are certain parts of each person that have to be overlooked or subtracted or at least considered when determining in which capacity they can be trusted, because there are people who can be considered trustworthy in some aspects and completely shady in others. Some people I can trust with my life, but not with my money. Some people ALWAYS have selfish motives, so it's alright to be wary around them, even though I might still come out on top. I just have to be aware that they will come out with more and I have to be fine with that. Some people tell you what their rotten parts are, and that makes things much easier. Some you have to learn the hard way and get burned. I think I'm very easy to get along with because I'm constantly considering what parts need to be subtracted from a person and in which situations it is appropriate and wise to do so. I try to consider the whole picture and adjust my thought processes around it. I was brought up to believe that EVERYONE has skeletons in their closet. Some bigger than others. I guess I don't really believe that anymore, but maybe it's good to go into a new relationship of any kind with that idea in mind. Then again, maybe it's paranoid.
I have learned, without realizing it, to follow my intuition. There are some people that are simply unavoidable. People in the family that are part of the package deal, and friends who are shady but are part of a larger friend circle that makes it worth it to stick around. Intuition once seemed to me very abstract and possibly hokey, like witchcraft or God or karma. But when you think about it, people believe strongly in all of those things. So I guess I can consider myself a believer in the abstract. This is a nice idea. I think everyone needs something to believe in, physical or otherworldly. It makes us feel more connected.