Thursday, December 1, 2011

Meddley of Many Things

I was lucky enough to be listening to NPR today when Nikky Finney was being interviewed about her poetry. I heard her read a couple and they really speak to me. Poetry is badass and I love the way thoughts and creative expressions slip and slide through my brain. Miss Finney said something during the interview about needing to write every day. I cringed internally because I tend to feel a pang of guilt every time I log into Blogger and skulk through the writing of others without giving back a single word over such a vast amount of time. Have I ever told you that I've been writing since I was a kid? I mean, young elementary school age. Either a diary, or a scrap of paper, or a spiral notebook or anything I could get my hands on at whatever moment a thought strikes me. For years I have slept with a notepad on my bedside table in hopes of capturing a groggy whim. My notebook has been a bit of a dust collector lately. While I strongly resist making commitments, I feel like I should make more of an effort to exchange ideas instead of solely observing the ideas of others. Now that I'm thinking about it, this is the way I deal with new people who I meet in the real world. I am non-committal, quiet, and observant, until I feel safe enough to unleash my true self. So this "observe only" thing I seem to be partaking in really isn't a surprise. I don't know why I've gotten shy all of a sudden. I know I have had excruciatingly little time to get ANYTHING done except go to work, school, and occasionally shower, since this semester began. But I feel like I need to start putting an effort forth for "self time" where I write (or take pictures), even if it's a couple words a day. EVEN IF those words are "I don't wanna" or "avoid the paht thai." Whatever makes me feel like there is an open and flowing dialogue rather than a closed, tiptoeing, take-only relationship going on here. In the spirit of giving, allow me to provide you with a current life happenings update: I recently turned 27. Wooooah, dude. I have officially completed 3/4 of the Spanish I am required to take, with nothing less than a B average. Criminal Justice and Social Work classes are going along smoothly. By the end of Spring 2012 I should have my Associates Degree. Only took years? The lesson to learn here is, when you want something, just fucking do it and stop twiddling your thumbs! Though I did have to support myself all these years with a job and paying for classes as I take them, 8 years is far too many years. Despite the fact that I get down about the uphill battle of schooling ofttimes, I'm pretty proud of myself, and that's a damn good feeling. Moving on. Family chaos, good and bad, has been and will continue to brew. My little brother, Jeremy, just came for Thanksgiving. I love that little Hell raiser; he's nice to talk to and a free-thinker. He plans on moving here in March, and I hope he doesn't change his mind. I love all of my siblings and wish we could be in closer proximity more often (i.e. always). I am wholeheartedly howling Christmas music in my car, shower, and home in general. (I do this all year long, so it feels good to have a specific time of year that it seems "normal" to those who are around me.) I have a cold, but am planning on beating the shit out of it with an onslaught of vitamin C. [Life Happenings Update List: Complete] Seems I've jumped around a bit here, but covered some good ground and have the monkey off my back, if only for a moment, about my lack-of-posting guilt. Stay tuned. "After these messages, we'll be riiiight back!"

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