Friday, December 16, 2011

Milk, from Cows Mad as Lorries

Alright, so I don't know if anyone else feels like this about milk, but my emotions regarding milk came as a surprise to me today as well. First of all, I stopped drinking milk when my colitis was going crazy, so maybe I'm not the best person to even HAVE emotions about milk, but I'm going to push forward anyway. This afternoon we were having our annual company Christmas lunch, which was awesome and probably my favorite in all seven years of my employment with the company. We ate at this nice little Italian place with games and laughter and prizes. After our drinks were ordered and served, as I was casually glancing around the room at everyone having a good time, I did a double take when I saw a tall slightly bubbly glass of cold milk. I looked around in search of raised eyebrows of my coworkers and saw none. I thought of reaching out to someone and whispering in conciliatory tones. I resisted. I would keep my milk snobbery to myself, bear the burden alone. I tried to focus on other things, but my eyes kept darting uncomfortably at the glass of milk. Somehow milk seemed totally inappropriate for a professional environment. It made me think of mother cows with babies at their teats. Milk mustaches. Brownies wedged between the small pearly white teeth of children. A substance the should be hidden and sacred, kept within the confines of ones home or the home of very close loved ones. It was milk, warming on the table in a land filled with iced tea and sweating glasses of Coke. Milk, who got pushed around, trying to fit in and being snubbed and ignored and teased by the other kids on the playground. I tried to reconcile the reasons for my recoiling. Is this normal? If I were to visit the home of an acquaintance (not a close, personal friend) would the list of beverages they might offer perhaps include milk? "Would you like anything to drink? Soda? Tea? ...Milk?" I managed to hold down the unsightly sneer my lip was quivering to make, and once the milk was gone I pushed it to the back of my mind, promising to revisit the thought later and hopefully come to a conclusion about the reasons behind my unexpected reaction. All I can conclude is that the film Snatch makes a good point, as follows:

Tommy: You shouldn't drink that stuff anyway. [looking at the milk Turkish is drinking]
Turkish: Why, what's wrong with it?
Tommy: It's not in sync with evolution.
Turkish: Shut up.
Tommy: Cows have only been domesticated for the last eight thousand years. Before that, they were running around mad as lorries. The human digestive system hasn't got used to dairy products yet.
Turkish: Well, fuck me, Tommy. What have you been reading?
Tommy: Let me do you a favour. [takes the milk off Turkish's hand and throws it out the window and it hits a car behind them followed by screeching tires and a loud crash]
Both: [look at each other] Whoops.

It's not much of a theory, but it's all I've got. As a side note, Snatch is a badass movie and I highly recommend it. It's better the second time around, because you're kind of confused until you get to the end otherwise. (Much like Fight Club and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.)


  1. Interesting.

    I grew up on a dairy farm, and I was surrounded by milk. I drank loads of it. I helped do the milking. I fed the calves. Despite being a photographer and hypnotherapist, right at the centre of me I am a farmer's boy.

    For a time here in the UK there was a theory that went around about milk being linked with autism and some gut disease. My younger brother happens to be autistic, so I took a lot of notice of it.

    Also, recently I have been trying the so called Paleolithic diet. I have never done a diet in my life, but I thought I would give it a go. As you say, we may not have yet evolved into drinking milk of cows, and may not even have yet got as far as being farmers.

    I feel really good on it, and my legs don't hurt at all. Well just the occasional old man's twinge.

    Could this, I can't help wondering, have saved my gut? If I'd known about it, and tried it sooner?

    I'll never know now.

    By the way I particularly like "coworkers" in this context. XLNT


  2. I also grew up near farms, and often had fresh milk from the nearby dairy. I hadn't heard about the autism link, but that is an interesting idea. I'd put my money on autism being more to do with pesticides and the extreme processing of foods, but that's a completely uneducated guess on my part. I also want to address that, although I eliminated milk and most dairy products (except for cheese), I still have to take meds daily to keep my UC in check. I don't know what would have taken place if I had never been a milk/dairy consumer though. I tend to have a flare when I have too much dairy, but that also happens if I drink even a moderate amount of alcohol. I guess we can't beat ourselves up about things that we can't go back and change. I would very much like to see some studies on it though. Ah well. No use crying over spilled milk. [rimshot]

  3. i feel the same way about milk. i have always thought it was a "personal" sort of drink, not to be consumed in public. when i see an adult drinking plain white milk i view him as weak, milk is for babies, milk is an ingrediant, milk is something to add chocolate too and consumed as a delicacy on rare occasions. milk is not something you order at a company dinner or ask for at an acquaintances home, it has a somewhat perverse quality to it really, like we arent meant to drink it, we are stealing it from baby cows, we are causing cows to produce milk for unnaturally long periods of time so that we can consume it, mammals are only supposed to consume milk for the first few years of life,what other mammal continues to consume milk into adulthood? if an adult cow was suckling milk from another cow we would consider that unnatural,strange at the very least. i am glad I'm not the only one who has reservations regarding milk consumption.