Alright, so I don't know if anyone else feels like this about milk, but my emotions regarding milk came as a surprise to me today as well. First of all, I stopped drinking milk when my colitis was going crazy, so maybe I'm not the best person to even HAVE emotions about milk, but I'm going to push forward anyway. This afternoon we were having our annual company Christmas lunch, which was awesome and probably my favorite in all seven years of my employment with the company. We ate at this nice little Italian place with games and laughter and prizes. After our drinks were ordered and served, as I was casually glancing around the room at everyone having a good time, I did a double take when I saw a tall slightly bubbly glass of cold milk. I looked around in search of raised eyebrows of my coworkers and saw none. I thought of reaching out to someone and whispering in conciliatory tones. I resisted. I would keep my milk snobbery to myself, bear the burden alone. I tried to focus on other things, but my eyes kept darting uncomfortably at the glass of milk. Somehow milk seemed totally inappropriate for a professional environment. It made me think of mother cows with babies at their teats. Milk mustaches. Brownies wedged between the small pearly white teeth of children. A substance the should be hidden and sacred, kept within the confines of ones home or the home of very close loved ones. It was milk, warming on the table in a land filled with iced tea and sweating glasses of Coke. Milk, who got pushed around, trying to fit in and being snubbed and ignored and teased by the other kids on the playground. I tried to reconcile the reasons for my recoiling. Is this normal? If I were to visit the home of an acquaintance (not a close, personal friend) would the list of beverages they might offer perhaps include milk? "Would you like anything to drink? Soda? Tea? ...Milk?" I managed to hold down the unsightly sneer my lip was quivering to make, and once the milk was gone I pushed it to the back of my mind, promising to revisit the thought later and hopefully come to a conclusion about the reasons behind my unexpected reaction. All I can conclude is that the film Snatch makes a good point, as follows:
Tommy: You shouldn't drink that stuff anyway. [looking at the milk Turkish is drinking]
Turkish: Why, what's wrong with it?
Tommy: It's not in sync with evolution.
Turkish: Shut up.
Tommy: Cows have only been domesticated for the last eight thousand years. Before that, they were running around mad as lorries. The human digestive system hasn't got used to dairy products yet.
Turkish: Well, fuck me, Tommy. What have you been reading?
Tommy: Let me do you a favour. [takes the milk off Turkish's hand and throws it out the window and it hits a car behind them followed by screeching tires and a loud crash]
Both: [look at each other] Whoops.
It's not much of a theory, but it's all I've got. As a side note, Snatch is a badass movie and I highly recommend it. It's better the second time around, because you're kind of confused until you get to the end otherwise. (Much like Fight Club and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.)