Thursday, August 2, 2012

All Growed Up

The fall school semester is upon us. It's giving me some anxiety. I supposedly have enough credits to apply for my Associates. I'm dragging my heels. I think this is because once I have my Associates I will be pushed from the cozy nest I've made at a community college and plunged into the cold uncharted waters of a university. Universities cost more. The teachers are more intimidating (in theory). I don't know my way around the campus. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, even though I've already taken more time than your average go-getter would have taken. Being an adult is hard. I can scarcely decide what to wear in the morning; which toothpaste to choose in the grocery store; what I'm making for dinner. My free time is on autopilot. Now I have to choose a career path. I have to think and make grown up decisions and live with the consequences. I feel less at fault for potential failure if I just coast into the next open door, rather than reading the signs on the path, wiggling handles, picking locks that are intriguing. I want to get a dart board and paste my top ten choices on it, shoot, shoot, shoot a dart into my future. Make me feel less on-the-hook. How does one decide? I have been receding into the shadows of avoidance. I see neither bulls nor horns here. It is lukewarm and familiar and disappointing.

2 comments:

  1. Perhaps it will help you to remember that you're not being rated in life by anyone. Therefore, you can make as many mistakes as you'd like until you find what you want to do and then make some more mistakes because that is what life is about. You can't possibly learn and grow without slipping and falling here and there. Perfection is not attainable, so you are in fact chasing after something that doesn't exist. Take a deep breath and jump into a decision to try it out. What is the worst that could happen, really?

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  2. Three steps to LIFE plus a BONUS!

    1. Sit down alone, outside and be quiet for like 10 whole seconds - LOL.

    2. Ask yourself outloud: "What do you want me to do?"

    3. Listen for the answer!

    BONUS = Someone might hear you talking to yourself and think you are the crazy lady in the park. Bring some birdfeed for full effect.

    Love!

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