Saturday, September 7, 2013

Quitting Time

I quit school. Sure did. Applied, got accepted, spoke to an adviser on campus, signed up for classes, waited, thought, considered, quit. It just didn't feel right, and I kept trying to wait it out, thinking I'd come around. I was constantly questioning if that was REALLY what I wanted or just what I felt like I was supposed to be doing. Like I had to meet these standards, take this step next, and to what end? I've grown tired of waiting for my life to start, going through the motions because of the supposed next step, and promising myself that eventually I will start LIVING and not just PREPARING TO LIVE. I was uncertain about my major, and I feel that if I wish to further my education, it should be in something I feel deeply connected to, not just a "meh, this is the best I can come up with." Also, I'm in zero debt right now. I deeply despise being in debt, and going to school would require me to take out loans and be tens of thousands in the hole. And since my major was apparently not that popular, most classes were during daytime hours, when I have to be at work, or online, which I hate. AND campus is a heck of along drive from me. And I'm not willing to sacrifice my job for my schooling. Especially since the money I make now is similar to an entry level position that my degree would earn me, so there was no financial gain aspect - just a loss from the indebtedness I would find myself in. And my major typically requires a masters degree in order to get into most good paying positions, and I never planned to get a masters. And...and...and I keep wondering if I'm making excuses or if all these thoughts DO tally up to my conclusion - quitting is the right answer. I guess in reality there is no "right" answer. My life, my rules. Of course I haven't completely closed the door to the idea that I may go back at some undetermined point in the future, when/if the notion strikes me. In the mean time, I'll plan things like people whose days aren't jam packed are able to plan. I'll take FUN classes! I'll do things I WANT to do, rather than feel OBLIGATED to do. I've started LIVING, instead of PLANNING TO LIVE. It is a good feeling, but I still have this niggling thought that I may regret this. Nothing is certain. Just gotta keep moving forward and try to take the next best step.