Friday, July 22, 2016

Child's Play

I realized today that what I'm actually doing is taking the torch of my mom's legacy, and to a certain extent, my great grandpa. My environment is just much more safe and predictable and sterile, but the premise is the same. I think that's why I became a foster mom. I saw my mom picking up strays and being their "safe place" (at least relative to their previous circumstances) and realized there may be a day I was called upon to do the same. I don't know that I was able to recognize that in the beginning, when it was just a vague thought and 12 Saturdays worth of classes, wham, bam, thank you ma'm. But now that I'm living it, with two little kids in my house, it finally struck me. I have recently began to also think about carrying on my great grandpa's legacy, which has helped me to not feel inadequate as I've gotten a new and more corporate job four months ago (I wrote this in 11/2015). I felt less than and couldn't explain why except to think of my dirty upbringing and childhood. Then I thought I wanted to change it, and make myself into what my great grandpa was trying to build and nurture. What he got right with my mom is that she's a good person with a huge and giving heart, just no concept of how to be an adult; I want more of myself and I think he did too. Two different concepts, but they fit together. I'm sure I could come up with a smoother segue, but this has been sitting in edit mode for 8 months and I want to clean out the clutter I've been building.

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